Last week, when my husband asked if I wanted to go visit friends in Cold Lake, AB., a 7 plus hour drive, the answer was, “I really don’t think so.” I couldn’t picture myself wanting to go anywhere in this weather. But here we are, it is -26C outside. All the back windows of the car are completely frosted up, and we’ve been on the road for over 2 hours already. It’s only 8am.
|A drive by picture, about 1/2 hour from Cold Lake, AB|
We plan to arrive at our destination at about 2pm, 1pm AB time. It’s great when the time change works in your favor. Although, I doubt I’ll feel that way around 10pm tonight.
Anyway, back to my point of not wanting to go anywhere. I would have chosen to stay home, and continue on with the depression I’ve been stuck in for about 6 weeks now. I think most people would describe my state of mind as ‘light depression’. But my husband, poor dear, gets the brunt of it, and he has been the one to help me see that I’ve been down in the dumps. I suppress my anger, until he walks in the room, and then he had better not shake water off his hands all over my newly cleaned countertops. It can be very difficult to see you are over-reacting when nothing seems to be going your way.
So, after telling him that I wasn’t in the mood for a road trip, he said, “Think of your friends, and what it would mean to them.” I called up one of them, and she got so excited. This winter has been very hard for her too, and this gave her something to look forward to and plan for. Her excitement over my company, made me feel instantly better, and I quickly changed my mind.
Having something to imminently look forward to, is important. Spring just seems too far away to get excited about it. Besides, always looking forward, especially too far forward leaves you with nothing to do in the moment. Instead of looking at what the potential of winter holds, I have been spending most of my time remembering grass and dirt, flowers and leaves. When I look outside at all the snow and the colder than cold temperatures, I start daydreaming about other places in the world I might be living. I’ve even looked at properties. All of this is futile behaviour that makes me feel trapped.
I’m able to talk about this now, because I’ve recently seen the light, so to speak, and have once again been making the most of where I live. I’ve gone out with friends, took up snow shoeing, and most importantly, planning this road trip has made me think of someone other than myself.
I should skip forward a year in my calendar, put up a red flag, and ask myself a few questions. Questions such as, “Have you been getting outside?”; “Have you been in touch with friends?”; “Have you been at least trying to be a bit creative?”. It is simply amazing to me how the simple things I have always done naturally do not occur to me when I’m feeling down.
The other really important thing that kept this bout with depression on the light side has been my blog friends. Writing for myself helps, but I have really enjoyed keeping up with everyone else. Reading about your daily ups and downs has helped me keep perspective. So a big Thank-you to all of you who so trustingly share your feelings and lives with everyone.